Saturday, September 4, 2010


Chapter 1

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon. He went inside the coffee shop and ordered a drink. He occupied the last table on the left edge of the shop. He checked his time, it's 2:20. He was there to relax, to have a break from his work. He find peace being with himself because it gives him time to reflect on the things that had happened to him. It was just an ordinary day, but not for him. Perhaps because it is his day off today. He asked his manager that he be given this whole day for himself, a day free from work. For the past six years he had worked so hard to be where he is now. From his stint on PBB, there came many projects for him. Now, he can tell that he is indeed an actor now. He had done movies, prime time series and got numerous of endorsements. He has a solid fan base, and yes he is more famous now.

He quietly sat down. His table was near the glass wall and he had fun watching the passerby. He opened the magazine that he picked from the rack and scanned the contents. A voice from the table in front of him caught his attention. That person is obviously talking to someone on the phone, perhaps talking to a friend. He knew that voice, he can't be wrong. He waited for the call to end. He approached the table before him.

“Oh my God!, it's you...”he blurted out.
“What's you!”
“Long time no see..been busy huh?”,he asked
“ too huh?”..
“It's been quite a long time since I've seen you..And to think we both work on the same network....”
“Yeah..we've just been busy with work...but I' m thankful I still have work..So what's up?.what have you been up to?”his friend asked.
“I've been shooting for a movie, doing some endorsements and sometimes out of the country shows. How bout you?. What have you been doing?”
“Well.I just finished shooting for a movie and I have some modeling engagements. My handler wants me in another prime time series...My handler just called a while ago telling me my schedules. It's gonna be a tiring day for the next few weeks...Showbiz..It's quite exhausting you know”
They sat there and continued talking to each other. Each has a story to share. Of course, their PBB moments will always be included in their conversations, that's what bonded them in the first place. And conversations such as these makes them wanna go back to the PBB house and relish those moments.
“So, your meeting someone here?a girlfriend?or someone I know?” his friend asked.
He laughed..”Nah...just killing some time. Though I have to meet an important person by 4 p.m”
“A girlfriend?”
He laughed again and smile. “Yeah”
“So who's the lucky girl?.Someone I know?” his friend asked.
“Someone you know.”
“Is she on the entertainment industry too?”
“Nah..well, she used to be”
“And she is........?”
“I'll introduce her to you AGAIN” he said.

There were quite some gaps on their conversation. Maybe because they don't know what to ask about each other or maybe because they haven't had updates about each others lives. They have
been friends but there were also times when they just drifted apart.

He sipped his coffee. His friend was quite busy texting. “Your handler?”he asked.
“ related stuff”
“Ah..I see”..

The coffee shop was not crowded. There were few tables and chairs occupied,. Some people were together in a group while some were alone drinking their coffee. The atmosphere in the shop was good, it was quite quiet. There was music playing on the background and the songs played were classic songs.

Upon entering the shop, she studied the place. She was looking for someone. She surveyed the place and when she found the one she was looking for she headed into that direction. She was wearing a pink tank top and a skinny jeans. She was quite petite. She was wearing a 3-inch wedge which made her taller. She has a long black hair and its tips were french curled. Her skin color was just the same as before and that made her stand out more. She was carrying a blue tote bag.
There were some men who saw her and some stares follow her. Perhaps it is because most of the customers there were foreigners and foreigners love morena beauties. She headed to his place and walked confidently. She was looking at him while walking but he was too busy flipping the pages of the magazine. She was nearer now and he sensed someone was approaching. He glanced at her. He was about to flip another page when he realized he saw someone he knew. Their eyes met. Their eyes were fixed on their subject. She drew nearer and she smiled. Her smile was infectious, you can't help but also smile. He stood up as fast as he can and approached her.

He suddenly hugged her. He was surprised. He hugged her tightly and stood there in silence. He can't explain his feelings upon seeing her and it's as if the whole world stopped. While she, on her part was just so happy she saw him again after how many months. He can't express the happiness he felt inside specially when he hugged her so tight and it was as if that would be the last hug she would receive from him.

“mmmmmmmm....”she blurted out. He was still hugging her so tight.
“I missed much” he said.
“I missed you too” she answered.
“Why didn't you tell me you were here already?. I never thought I would see you here”
He laughed hard. “I was about to fetch you at the airport and surprise you. But I ended up being the one surprised. Very surprised.”
She smiled. (Dang!.i missed that smile.. I missed her..he told himself).
“Well..............I'm here now!. I'm happy to see you again.” She pinched both his cheeks and laughed out loud. They hugged again and they were wearing those happy smiles.

His friend quit from doing something with his gadget when she arrives. He was not able to see her face because she was facing his friend. But from their hug he could say she is his girlfriend, the one he was about to meet. She had a nice back, he thought. And he liked her skin color. She reminds her of his ex-girlfriend who left him. He still wants to call her his girlfriend because technically they never broke up, she just left. But she left without a word and it's such a cliche to say the infamous line: IT'S COMPLICATED. He was busy convincing himself it can't be her. He doesn't even know where she is now. And within six years that they haven't seen each other, she didn't even called him to say even a single word nor exerted an effort to know if he's still alive. He doesn't even know where she had been or what she had been up to. He was busy convincing himself it can't be her. And to stop the argument he had in mind, he decided to cut off their conversation.

“eheeemmmmm.....mmmmm”.He cleared his throat. He did it intentionally.

She suddenly forgot that he was with someone. She turned to face him. Her eyes met his. She was appaled. He was shocked. They were speechless for a moment. He drew nearer and without a word he hugged her. He hugged her so tight. There was a moment of silence.
He managed to say a word. “sh***.....”
“What??.” She replied.
“Where have you been?.dang!.” he looked at her. “I am not dreaming,right?”. He pinched his cheeks and he pinched him on the waist. “Devon, is it really you?” “I mean, for real?”

“Why?. Am I not Devon?”. She laughed out loud.
He finally saw her. He missed her laughter and her smile and most specially he missed her. Why does he felt this way when he's supposed to be angry? Why?..
Ivan interrupted their conversation. “You finally meet her dude,but please let me do the honor of introducing her again this time. She's Devon and she's my girlfriend”

He was dumbfounded. He doesn't know what to say and most specially he doesn't know how he will react to what he just said. That what? That she's his girlfriend?.O come on!., that's only words he could tell himself. But he was James Reid, the one who is good at keeping things. He wanted to act cool and cool he will be. He can't let them know his hurt and more so he can't let his ego hurt.

“oh...I see...I'm happy to hear that.. I wasn't just expecting we would be meeting again this way.” Now he was acting and its as if this is a scene in the movie..except that this is reality. He was acting cool..

But he doesn't know until when will he be doing this especially now. Now that she is back after six long years and after she broke his heart that left him devastated for quite sometime. Just when he his life is back on tracks, she arrived without saying a word, not even with a notice. “sh***!...”, that's the only word he could tell to himself...for now.


They stayed at the coffee shop and they got to talk about so many things.They were catching up stories about each others lives. But James left early because according to him his manager wants to meet him and talk about a possible project for him. Or was it just an alibi?. Maybe it was. He was not comfortable talking to them at the moment. He just saw her and it felt like the world stopped revolving. He was shocked and hurt knowing that after years of not seeing her, here she was together with the new man in her life. It hurts, it really does.
 If there was tension arising between him and her, they are the only ones who knew it. Maybe they have mastered the art of pretension and they are  just good at hiding things. But she was more uncomfortable. She was not expecting that it would happen this soon. For years, she had been practicing the lines she would say  when they meet again face to face. But she has completely forgotten it upon seeing him. If she feels uneasy towards him, she didn't show it. If he's cool with it, then she's cool with it too.

 Right after James left, the couple went directly to Ivan's place for early dinner. Actually he was thinking of just eating at the restaurant but he dismissed the thought knowing that many people will see them together in public and she won't like it either.

They had a wonderful dinner together. It was a good idea that they just stayed at his place for dinner  so they can spend some time together privately. She missed him but he missed her so much. When she was away, he never failed to call her everyday. He was such a busy actor but he made it a point to call her. She was his weakness and he was just glad he made the decision of pursuing her despite their friendship on the line. 

It took him years of pursuing her even when she told him that she does not know where their friendship would lead them to. But he was such a brave soul and he waited until the day she said yes. When she thought she was ready for a relationship, she only had him in the moment. She knows deep in her heart that she loves him and he loves her too. But just like any other things , there is always an exception to every rule. And whatever exception that may be, she just it let be. 

After they had their dinner, he excused himself and went to his room to get something. She wandered the place and found herself at the garden. She was amazed looking at those flowers and the other plants.The flowers were just so lovely that she was smiling upon seeing it. She just stood there and looked at the sky. The moonlight shone upon the garden. She stood there silently and her mind was wandering somewhere in her memories.

He saw her looking up to the sky and he was watching her. He went up to her and when he was an inch closer, he hugged her from the back. He kissed her right ear up to her cheek. She felt giddy and tickled. "I love you babe.." he said it in a very sweet way that would melt the hearts of every fan girls out there. She was lucky, she thought. He suddenly locked a silver necklace on her neck. "It's for you and I want you to wear it so that you will always remember me in your heart.".
.." don't have to.."she answered. "With or without this I will always remember you.........thank you, Van".
"You know how much you mean to me and I am just so happy that finally you're here. I'm looking forward to  the days that we will  be spending together." he said happily.

It was such a sweet gesture from him. She was happy to see him again.

She was happy to finally come back. Or was she?..

"You stay here tonight okay?. It's late and I don't want you to be alone in the hotel." It was more of a command than a request. "I already had the guest room prepared."

"Van.." She said it with a smile and in a cute way. She knows he will agree with her later. "It's not right.. You know?.Me, sleeping in Ivan Dorschner's place?. What will people say, especially your fans if they will know about it?. It's bad publicity...and I don't want to ruin your career".

"Then, we will not let them know." And he laughed. "Don't worry babe,'re over reacting." How about staying in my room?" He was being naughty. He smiled at her upon seeing her reaction.

"Hahahah..Funny ..Mr. Ivan Dorschner". She was starting to get angry and he noticed it.

"Seriously, I don't want you to be alone there, okay?. I'm just concerned,babe. But if that's what you like... fine..But I'll have to get myself  a room there in the hotel.."

"What?....Van naman eh...Huwag na.. I can take care of myself naman". She was being cute.
" You still have a taping tomorrow remember?. You're not suppose to be late" " Huwag na Van..Please....Please!" She was pleading.She pinched his cheeks with both of her hands. "Please?"

 After several minutes, he gave in. " win! but I'll have to take my price tomorrow. 8:00 in the evening, I'll fetch you at the hotel". He was smiling now.

"Why?What are we going to do?You're suppose to be resting by that time, you have a taping early on the next day remember?" 

"Wow!..That's my girl. You've memorized my schedule then.." He was laughing again. " If I can have time for work, why can't I have time for you."..

They headed to the door  and James saw them went outside the gate and boarded into his car. He was just about to park when he saw them.He went there on purpose. He was just gonna go there to hang out with Ivan and to catch things up with each other and also call their friends to join them. But maybe it was not the right time. He just observed them head to a particular direction. 

And the last thing he knew, he was following them.....

He saw her and Ivan got out of the car. They entered to the hotel lobby. "So she's staying here", he told himself. James did not get out of the car and instead stayed alert and kept his eyes on the entrance of the hotel. After 35 minutes,he saw Ivan went out from the building and immediately proceeded to his car. James smiled at himself and thought of something.

She was already tired and she immediately took her shoes off and lay down on the bed. She was staring blankly at the ceiling and  her mind started to wander. She can't seem to take off from her mind the scene at the coffee shop this afternoon. How she was shocked and uncomfortable because of James' presence. She doesn't understand herself and she was confused. So many things got her thinking and all she wanted to do was just sleep and shut herself out from the real world. She suddenly thought of staying at a friend's house. So she called Shey and asked her if she could sleep at her place just for tonight and she agreed. She was happy of the thought of staying at her friend's house because she doesn't want to be alone especially tonight. She needs someone to talk to, someone who could listen to and understand her. Someone other than Ivan and someone especially not James.

 She went out of the hotel building and he immediately drove his car near the entrance.  "I guess you need a ride" James said. She was surprised to see him there  but she acted coolly.  "Yah..I do..but definitely not from you!" she sounded irritated. "Ivan just went home, you know..and I'm sure he's tired" he added. "So you're a stalker now?"she said. She continued walking while James also continued trailing her.  He was still in his car and driving slowly.

  "Oh come on, It's late at night and it's not good for you to be out especially not at this time" he sounded concerned.
"Wow..I'm flattered.."she said sarcastically. "The famous heartthrob and ladies' man  is concerned about me.. Weh?..Hindi nga?.." And she laughed.

 "I am concerned..and I'm not joking" he said irritated and so he got out of the car. She stopped to face him. he added "Do you want people to see us arguing here?I'm definitely sure they're going to take pictures of us and tomorrow we will be on the showbiz headlines." and he laughed.

"I thought you don't care what other people will say about you" she said.
"I don't.. but I care about why don't you get inside the car and I'll drive you to wherever you want to go"
"What if I don't like?"
"So you want them (referring to the people who were watching them and talking about them) to take pictures and video of us arguing?.I'm sure Ivan will know about our little adventure tonight, watcha think?.. Should I call him now?". He was about to take out his mobile phone.

She suddenly panicked and realize that there were people who were watching them. "Okay fine.. You win.." And she immediately boarded on his car. "That's my girl" he said and with a big smile plastered on his face.
Before he went inside the car, he approached the girls who were taking a video of them. He asked them nicely to stop taking the video and the pictures. They agreed and as a trade off, he posed for a picture with them. She could see that the girls were very happy and they were all smiling. 

 And he drove the car.

"We need to talk."he said firmly.
"What is there to talk about?" she asked.
"About....about so many things" he answered. 
"I guess it's not yet the right time"
"I guess it is.." And he drove the car to the direction where his condo was located.
She didn't argue. She was tired of arguing. " Just for this time, after this, let's pretend our conversation never happened." She said.  He was disappointed. He was hurt. But what can he do?

"Aren't you afraid that people will see us together?" she asked.
"Not really.. Don't worry, I know you're probably concern about Ivan knowing about this incident. Don't worry we'll pass through the other door. I knew the guards there."

He opened the door and let her in. It's been a long time since the last time she had been there. The place was overlooking at the city, the buildings and the street were visible. The lights coming from the buildings and cars were like dots of star. It was a nice view, so refreshing.

She sat on the chair near the glass wall. He went to the fridge to get something to drink. He offered her a glass of water while he took 2 cans of beer. He sat on the other chair beside her. They were both looking at the scenery. He drank in silence. He just sat there in silence. It was as if their their minds were talking, reading each other's thoughts.


He broke his silence.

"What happened Devon?...What happened to us?", James asked.
Silence followed.
She took a deep breath. "Was there really 'us'?
"You know there was, there is.. Yes, we never put a label to it but I know that you love me and you know that I love you", he answered.
Another silence filled the air.
He continued. "I guess I deserve an explanation"
"What is there to know about?.Look at us now. Aren't we cool with each other?You were doing so well, so why bother knowing the answers to your questions?" she said.
"I have the right to know, you know". A flash of anger came over him.
"And I have the choice not to tell you" she answered back.
"Look at you now.You've changed...You've changed a lot, Von..You've changed."
"I guess you just didn't know me too well then. It's been six years and it's hard not to change" she answered.

Then another silence filled the air.

She finally spoke. " Remember our last meeting, before I left?. I was about to tell you everything but............."

Flashback......6 years ago

 She arranged a gathering for the Jaevon Gems and the Devonairs. She told them ahead that she will be the only one attending because James will also have his own gathering with them later.. Her supporters never failed her. Many people came and even those fans who were from far provinces came. Each chapter has also a representatives and so with the global fans. Everyone enjoyed the program especially the Q & A portion and the games. Everyone were so happy and in a festive mood.  After the program, she had her thank you speech.

"There are two reasons why I organized this event. First,  I am very grateful for having you and for knowing people like you. You who have been there for me ever since I was in Kuya's house and when I got out you still continued supporting me. Thank you very very much. I don't know how many thank you's I have to make, all I know is that it won't be enough to repay your kindness and generosity . You were not just simple fans, you were a friend and a family to me.  I thank God for allowing us to meet each other in this way. I couldn't ask Him for more. Thank you for the support, financially and morally and for the efforts each and everyone of you had exerted in making the Jaevon Loveteam alive. Thank you for everything you have done for us and for my family. You mean so much to me.
  Secondly,................. Months ago I received a good news. Someone, a very very generous people offered me a chance of a lifetime. She and her family are fond of watching me on television and they are my silent supporters, as what they say. I could say she and her family were well-off. She and her husband has no children of their own and so they spend their time traveling around the world. She is a Filipino while her husband is a foreigner. They are already in their 50's and they really are very generous and kind people. In fact they are philanthropist.
  I am being offered to study abroad, all expenses paid by them. At first, I was hesitant to accept it because it was such a very big deal for me. I know they are just being kind and generous to me. But how can  I not accept an offer like that. They promise me that they are not expecting anything in return and I believe them.
  I came to make one of the biggest decisions in my life....I thought very hard about it....I decided to accept the offer.........
  As much as I wanted to to stay here and continue what I have begun I am also thinking of my future, of my family, of you.. I know you have accepted me for who and what  I am, you've come to accept my weaknesses and flaws and I am so much thankful for that. But I know there are also expectations of me and I want to live up to those expectations. I want to get better, to improve myself and I will do that by continuing my education. Stars in the entertainment world do not last forever. And just like you I am also concerned of long-term plans. I will do these not only for myself but most specially because of the people who loves me.

 .... It's hard knowing that I will be leaving you and that I will be in  a foreign country where so many adjustments has to be made. This is a big opportunity for me and a big challenge. I will be leaving soon and I will truly  miss you. I plan to return after I have finished my degree. I still want to continue being in the entertainment circle because I have come to learn the craft. And I hope when I came back, I will still see all of you. And by that time I know that I will be the better Devon who is very much deserving of all the love and support you have for me. Thank you so much.. And I love you all."

 They listened to her intently. Most of them were crying now. They swarmed around her and hugged her. She too was also crying. Everyone got carried away with their emotions.It took an hour before they all settled down.

She offered them a song.  "This one's for you" she said.

All your life you've waited
For love to come and stay
And now that I have found you
You must not slip away
I know it's hard believin'
The words you've heard before
But darlin' you must trust them just once more
'Cause baby, goodbye doesn't mean forever
Let me tell you
Goodbye doesn't mean
We'll never be together again
If you wake up and I'm not there
I won't be long away
'Cause the things you do my goodbye girl
Will bring me back to you

I know you've been taken
Afraid to hurt again
You fight the love you feel for me
Instead of givin' in
But I can wait forever
Helping you to see
That I was meant for you and you for me

So remember, goodbye doesn't mean forever
Let me tell you goodbye
Doesn't mean we'll never be together again
Though we may be so far apart
You still will have my heart
So forget your past my goodbye girl
'Cause now you're home at last

He went there because he was supposed to be a surprise guest. He came just in time to hear her speech.He heard everything. He was dumbfounded. He left as soon as she finished speaking. He just can't stand it.


..........continuation (Flashback....6 years ago)

The next day, after the gathering with her fans she called James and told him that she will be arranging a dinner for the two of them at his place. He agreed and she expected that he will come.... But he did not. She waited for about two hours only to find out he had gone on a drinking spree with his friends. She was disappointed when he came home drunk, too drunk to even carry himself. When he entered the door he immediately hugged her tightly, and she returned his hug. He was too drunk and so she guided him going to his bed. The moment he laid on his bed, his eyes were already shut and he was off to sleep.
   She stayed until two in the morning. All she  did was watch him sleep. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping, she just didn't bother to wake him up to say her goodbyes. She just talked to him as if he was listening and as if she was having a monologue. She kissed his forehead and the last thing she knew, tears were already flowing from her eyes. She was already crying. She will soon be leaving the country and most specially she would be leaving him.  Before she finally left, she left a letter for him.

           I'm sorry I had little time to tell you everything.I think you already knew it anyway 'cause I saw you there at the event last night. I'm sorry I only have this time to tell you because I have no courage to do so and I couldn't bear to see myself leaving you.
            It's funny because I only get to see this kind of scene at the movies. The part where the girl spends a day full of fun and happiness right before she leaves while the guy does not know what's about to happen. The next thing he was about to know is that she left him and had gone to a faraway place. I thought these was so cheesy and mushy. But here it is, I'm doing it. I was about to tell you everything tonight but i guess you were too excited for the next part of the scene. The part where the guy felt devastated and so he got himself drunk as if there was no tomorrow . If I was the director of the movie, I will yell at you for skipping the part before that. The part where the girl gets to tell the guy how much she loves him, how much she adores and treasure him........But I told myself, Hey this isn't  a movie.
       I'm leaving because I have to. It's difficult on my part to leave you for a long time. And so I think it would be better for us to give each other time and space for ourselves. I don't want you to be tied up with whatever "special relationship" we have. Thank you for being with me all these years.
         I guess the director has to say "CUT" for now. I guess this is the ending (but I still hope this isn't). Maybe this is the part where the girl gets to leave now. She has to go.................for now.
                                                  With all the love,
I Cant Find Find the words To Say Goodbye
Can't say I don't love him
Still I can't pretend
That my heart is torn just knowing that I'm losing my bestfriend
If it's easier said and done
Then someone tell me why
Though I try,
I can't find the words to say goodbye

I could tell him that I'm sorry

Hope he'll understand 
He will have to do with someone else
All that we have planned
I'd rather him hear the truth
Than hurt him with a lie
So I tried,
But I can't find the words to say goodbye

Now I know

I have to go
There's no other way
But goodbye is not what I can bring myself to say...

If I told him "see you later"

Then I might be wrong
'cause this voice inside is driving me
To find where I belong
I know I must leave him now but everytime I try,
Don't know why,
Ibut I can't find the words to say goodbye...
Don't know why,
I can't find the words to say goodbye....


It suddenly brought back memories of her, of that letter. Memories of her that he wished he could forget because of the pain it brought to his life.

"Why didn't you call me? Why didn't you even bother to ask how I was doing?" James asked. "Am I that unimportant to you?"

"I tried to stay away from you, to cut all the connections I have with you because I know it would be very difficult on my part if we would just continue whatever relationship we have knowing that I was there and you are here. I can't take the distance between us........I got myself busy with school activities.  I had difficult time adjusting myself there.................. When I knew that I was ready to take back what I said on that letter, all I wanted to do was to tell you and so  I tried reaching you. Then I found out that you were doing well in your career, projects came after the other and you were becoming popular each day. And I was so happy with everything that was happening to your life. " She said.

" But I never got that hint that you wanted to take back whatever you said in the letter. I never heard from you."

" I realized  that it would be unfair for you if I will just suddenly butt in again in your life.  And it was also hard for me...." She asked again, "Did you ever try to call me or contact me?"

"Of course I did.. But it took me quite a long time before I came to the decision of trying to call you.  I was so bitter with what happened to us. And when I realized that it was still you who I want,  I tried opening my door for a possible communication between us. Just as you found out what was happening to me, with my career, I also found out you were doing great there. And I was happy for you but I also don't want to be a distraction to you. I know you have your priorities and I respected it. And so I told myself that one day you would be ready to tell your story and I have waited for that day.But I guess it never came. I don't want to ask you that question because I  want you to tell it to me when you you are ready and when you have that confidence telling me."

Then there was a long silence between them.

She was hesitant to break that silence but she managed to. 
" I know it was hard for both of us, and it still is...especially now that we've seen each other again"..

She continued. " But it's different now's different.."

She looked her at her watch and realized it was already 11:50. She suddenly remembers she was going to go to Shey's house and sleep there. She already has her clothes and few things ready for the sleep over. 

"I better go now. It's already late." she said.

 She stood up and just as she was about to walk away, he grabbed her right hand tightly.

" Please stay....",  he pleaded. 

" I can't James, know it's not right..."

" I's not.. But please stay with me here even just for tonight." he was trying his best  convincing her.. 

He continued.."No, we would not be doing anything wrong. Let's just talk, have fun joking about each other, sing happy songs, eat together and do the things we usually do before...let's just have some fun..clean FRIENDS. Just like the old times.." 

He must have really missed her. It was quite a desperate act - trying to convince her. But hey, he's taking his chances.

" I'll make you a deal. Spend the next 24 hours with me and after that I won't bother you and Ivan anymore. Or walk away today and I'll be chasing you until I get tired of doing it"

His mood changed. He was smiling at himself. What a clever idea.. She has no way out.

She was weighing the possible consequences of the options. If she will stay with him and spend time together for 24 hours, isn't it unfair for Ivan, her boyfriend?. Spending the night having a clean fun with an old flame isn't really a crime, or is it?. He says it will be a pure clean fun...and just as FRIENDS.. He says what he means. And she's not gonna do anything which she thinks is wrong and anything that would break her relationship with Ivan. But she's afraid that people might see them together, and more afraid if Ivan will know about these. And besides, she knows Ivan will be checking on her every time and they still have a dinner date tomorrow.

               If she's gonna walk away now, she knows he's not gonna stop until he gets what he wants. He won't care  either about whatever people will say. And eventually people are gonna find out about that and soon enough her name would be associated with him. But she knows James easily gets tired, and one day he'll just quit with whatever game he's playing with or whatever he has started doing. She's optimistic about that.

She was talking to herself again. In the first place, why would she even agree to have a deal with him? Why does she have to choose between the options when she already have a decision. And more importantly  what made him think she's gonna agree with the deal?. 

That kept her thinking. What is he up to?.She knows James well. If he's gonna play a game, he knows his game well and chooses it well. And he knows he's gonna win it...and if he's not....then he'll make sure no one wins either.

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